Beth,
You mentioned in one of your comments that the life you thought you were going to have did not materialize. The grandchildren that your parents thought they were going to have did not, either.
If you don't mind, would you comment on the effect this had on you emotionally?
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it definitely takes its toll on your mind; body; marriage; friends..every aspect of your life. I had to quit my job first off; stay home which I had not planned on doing; which takes us down to 1 income family now.. the phone stops ringing for playdates, you can not travel long distances to see family, friends, anything because of your childs schedule.. therapies, drs visits, year round school services, it all changes..you have to center your life now around this person and their needs. which I would have done anyway, but I still would have had some choices.. I feel like I really dont have choices any more except what works for the boys and their schedules and whether or not one of them will freak out about the choice I've decided for that day.. the drs and specialists tell you to have a support group and keep family close; but they dont tell you what to do when you can't leave the house, or you have to walk out of the store 20 minutes into shopping, or not being able to go the gas station because the pay at the pump is broken and now I have to take him out of his carseat and carry him in,pay; knowing he'll freak out when he sees the toys or food next to the register.. its all the every day events that take the toll on you.. for a long time I felt like I couldnt go anywhere; I didnt leave the house for about a year because of so many of the issues mentioned above.. I had to get groceries at 9pm when my husband was home and cooper would be in bed... the life we'd had all the years leading up to it was a distant dream.. we had no family close enough to help out..it really sucks because when I grew up my parents "preach" to me the right road to take; make good choices, etc... here I'd gone and done that..high school, college, stayed with my boyfriend all throughout; married; got a job; bought a place to live; THEN decided to have kids..and this is what I get??? I didnt get pregnant in high school or do drugs.. I've never even smoked a cigarette in my life or drank coffee!! I was a goody goody to the point of where it makes me sick; thinking about some of the hijinks I missed out on..
ReplyDeleteNow having the 4 kids.. yes we decided to have the additional 2 because my husband had always wanted 4 kids; in our opinon being through the Autism thing with Cooper we knew if we had another one ..we'd be better prepared.. and we have been.
mentally I know I have no choice.. I'm the parent; I can not quit on my kids; they have no one that will be their best advocate except me and their father..but he has no clue really what all goes into the IEP's; team mtgs; ABA therapy, etc.. he just gets the report from when I come home from them..
physically its taken its toll because if I'm not going to the school for a mtg; I pretty much dont do too much to myself..I'm overweight; have not cut my hair in few years; dont do the make up thing; overall if something has to slide or be "let go" its going to be me; not my kids.. the kids always come first.
to say its not fair and it sucks and why me? are all just words..I have said them; screamed them; cried them; but when it comes down to it; there is always someone who has it worse off than me and my boys and I remind myself that every day..thats what keeps me from losing my mind.
I hear from other parents about the "unfairness" of the situation - especially when they have been so careful during pregnancy. For instance, one friend of mine that struggled with infertility used to become incensed to see a pregnant teenager. It's so "easy" for them to become pregnant accidentally...why can't I?
ReplyDeleteYes, there is always someone that has it worse than you, but don't let that minimize your concerns. You have very real challenges and hardships. It helps to have support from friends and family, and professionals.